Contributed by Prachi Gupta, author of They Called Us Exceptional: And Other Lies That Raised Us, in which she articulates the dissonance, shame, and isolation of being upheld as an American success story while privately navigating traumas invisible to the outside world.
By chronicling the specific experiences of my Indian American family, They Called Us Exceptional shares a universal and timely message: that happiness and peace do not come from our accomplishments, but from our ability to embrace our truest selves. With a message that is particularly resonant in today’s hyper-competitive society, They Called Us Exceptional is for anyone who has ever struggled to live up to the expectations placed upon them—whether by one’s family, culture, or society—versus pursuing their own dreams.
Students today are raised under tremendous pressure to compete and excel. This pressure is often heightened for immigrants and children of immigrants, who embody the dreams of families who left behind a homeland to seek opportunity in America. My own Indian American family manifested these dreams: my surgeon dad and my devoted mother raised my brother and I to be tight-knit and high-achieving. But at the very moment our family found the success and stability we craved, our lives began to unravel. In They Called Us Exceptional, I chronicle our downfall in an extended letter to my immigrant mother and explain how the assimilation myths that we bought into in order to belong became the very rules that tore us apart: when we strive to fit in, we learn to hide our flaws and we feel ashamed for anything perceived as “imperfect” or as a struggle. This effort to suppress parts of ourselves erodes our ability to tolerate differences and be vulnerable with others.
They Called Us Exceptional is also the story of the American immigration system and the lasting impact of the “model minority” stereotype: Asian American young adults are the only ethnic group for whom suicide is the leading cause of death, for example—yet Asian Americans are also the ethnic group least likely to seek mental healthcare. These are a few of the harsh and stunning realities that illustrate the double bind of belonging to a minority group that is often seen as “problem-free.” But Asian American history, and the devastating impact of this prevalent stereotype, are rarely taught in schools or portrayed with complexity in the media. They Called Us Exceptional weaves in history and research that is often missing from standard curriculum, enabling students of all backgrounds to understand how larger political and societal forces can shape how we interpret our own identities.
At its core, They Called Us Exceptional is a vital and deeply affirming read for anyone who struggles to fit in at school, at home, or within a larger culture. Through a deeply personal and resonant story, They Called Us Exceptional passionately argues that our self-worth rests not in our ability to conform, but in valuing our own uniqueness.
