The Cost of Fear

Why Most Safety Advice Is Sexist and How We Can Stop Gender-Based Violence

Author Meg Stone
Ebook
On sale Feb 25, 2025 | 224 Pages | 9780807016237

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A violence prevention expert helps targets of gender-based violence discern fact from fiction around what keeps us safe and support social change

Personal safety shouldn’t mean living in fear, nor should it come at the expense of political progress.


Questionable advice to avoid violence, like “don’t go shopping alone,” comes mostly from the police or other men in authority. But gender-based violence is often enacted in the most intimate spheres of our lives, not when we’re out grocery shopping. To stop this violence, we need strategies that are just as intimate.

In The Cost of Fear, nationally recognized violence prevention expert Meg Stone helps readers separate fact from fiction. It’s full of practical, research-based strategies that readers can use to keep themselves and their communities safer. Increased safety comes from developing the skills to resist coercive control, especially from people we know or people in authority, not from complying with rigid rules or avoiding homeless people on the street.

This deeply researched book draws timely connections between personal safety and political change—from Latina organizers in California working to stop sexual violence against night shift janitorial workers to teenage girls who call out double standards.

Work to change laws and change people’s minds is essential, but without practical strategies, the change is incomplete. The Cost of Fear will show us how we can make safety choices that expand our worlds and contribute to the fight for social justice.
Introduction: Scared and Powerful

PART 1: WHAT HOLDS US BACK

CHAPTER 1
Monumental, Unsatisfying Victories

CHAPTER 2
The Cost of Fear

CHAPTER 3
How Not to Get Strangled by Your Ponytail

CHAPTER 4
Bad People Do Bad Things

CHAPTER 5
Compliance Breeds Abuse

PART 2: WHAT WORKS

CHAPTER 6
Not Overreacting

CHAPTER 7
The Evidence and Its Discontents

PART 3: WHAT MOVES US FORWARD

CHAPTER 8
Resisting Racism

CHAPTER 9
Strengthening Activism

CHAPTER 10
Embracing Resistance

CHAPTER 11
So, What Should I Do? What Should I Tell My Daughter?

Notes
Meg Stone is the Executive Director of IMPACT Boston, an abuse prevention and empowerment self-defense organization. Her writing has been published in Huffington Post, Newsweek, Washington Post, Boston Globe, Dame, and Ms. She has received numerous awards for her work over the past 30 years. Meg lives in Cambridge, MA, with her partner Mal and a shockingly large collection of musical theatre cast albums.

About

A violence prevention expert helps targets of gender-based violence discern fact from fiction around what keeps us safe and support social change

Personal safety shouldn’t mean living in fear, nor should it come at the expense of political progress.


Questionable advice to avoid violence, like “don’t go shopping alone,” comes mostly from the police or other men in authority. But gender-based violence is often enacted in the most intimate spheres of our lives, not when we’re out grocery shopping. To stop this violence, we need strategies that are just as intimate.

In The Cost of Fear, nationally recognized violence prevention expert Meg Stone helps readers separate fact from fiction. It’s full of practical, research-based strategies that readers can use to keep themselves and their communities safer. Increased safety comes from developing the skills to resist coercive control, especially from people we know or people in authority, not from complying with rigid rules or avoiding homeless people on the street.

This deeply researched book draws timely connections between personal safety and political change—from Latina organizers in California working to stop sexual violence against night shift janitorial workers to teenage girls who call out double standards.

Work to change laws and change people’s minds is essential, but without practical strategies, the change is incomplete. The Cost of Fear will show us how we can make safety choices that expand our worlds and contribute to the fight for social justice.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Scared and Powerful

PART 1: WHAT HOLDS US BACK

CHAPTER 1
Monumental, Unsatisfying Victories

CHAPTER 2
The Cost of Fear

CHAPTER 3
How Not to Get Strangled by Your Ponytail

CHAPTER 4
Bad People Do Bad Things

CHAPTER 5
Compliance Breeds Abuse

PART 2: WHAT WORKS

CHAPTER 6
Not Overreacting

CHAPTER 7
The Evidence and Its Discontents

PART 3: WHAT MOVES US FORWARD

CHAPTER 8
Resisting Racism

CHAPTER 9
Strengthening Activism

CHAPTER 10
Embracing Resistance

CHAPTER 11
So, What Should I Do? What Should I Tell My Daughter?

Notes

Author

Meg Stone is the Executive Director of IMPACT Boston, an abuse prevention and empowerment self-defense organization. Her writing has been published in Huffington Post, Newsweek, Washington Post, Boston Globe, Dame, and Ms. She has received numerous awards for her work over the past 30 years. Meg lives in Cambridge, MA, with her partner Mal and a shockingly large collection of musical theatre cast albums.

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