Dare to Connect

A life-changing message for our lonely age about why we often avoid what makes us happiest—connecting with other people—and how we can build wiser social habits through small and simple acts, from leading behavioral scientist and author of Mindwise.


“Dare to Connect explores the power and promise of the human connections that most of us never make—but could make so easily if we just opened our eyes. This is the eye-opener. Insightful, engaging, scientifically grounded and beautifully written, Dare to Connect is one of those rare books that might actually change your life.” —Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness

There is a fundamental paradox at the core of human life. We are a highly social species uniquely equipped to connect with other people—and doing so makes us happier and healthier. And yet, we so often choose to be unsocial. We avoid talking to the stranger who sits next to us. We can’t seem to get beyond small talk with an acquaintance. We feel grateful to those we love but are reluctant to express our gratitude. We are constantly presented with opportunities to make a connection—with our fellow commuters, our baristas, our colleagues, our families—yet we don’t take them. Even in a time when loneliness and isolation have reached epidemic proportions, we forfeit these little moments, not realizing how they can add up to a happier, healthier you.

In Dare to Connect, renowned University of Chicago psychologist Nicholas Epley breaks down that split-second decision we face countless times a day: do we choose to reach out and connect with someone or hold back and avoid them? The science is resoundingly clear:

• Our happiness, health, and self-esteem are boosted by social behavior—whether we are introverts or extroverts.
• Our pessimism about reaching out creates a self-fulfilling prophecy: the less we try, the more likely we are to think we’ll fail.
• Our social interactions are almost always better than we expect them to be.
• Social media and texting do not foster strong connections in the way meeting face-to-face or talking on the phone do.
• While there are many books promising one big fix, lots of small moments of sociality are more likely to improve your life than anything else.

Drawing on decades of research, his own life, and stories of people who have transformed their thinking and their social lives, Epley reveals the psychological mechanisms behind our hesitancy to reach out and empowers readers to put science into practice and build wiser social habits. Dare to Connect shows us that changing our thinking about how we approach others can change our lives.