CHAPTER ONE
They say there’s a special magic at Christmastime.
Imagine how much more powerful that magic might be in a place already as magical as Mr. Lemoncello’s library.
Sadly, twelve-year-old Eloise Dobyns had yet to visit the fabled library built by the bazillionaire game maker. She and her mother had just moved to Alexandriaville, Ohio.
Two days ago.
Eloise’s mom had a new job as head nurse on the pediatrics floor at Alexandriaville’s Memorial Hospital. It was why she had to work the three-to-eleven shift on a Sunday.
Eloise put away the notebook where she had been writing about how she wished they would cancel Christmas. This year, December 25th should just be another date on the calendar.
She went to the window of their small two-bedroom apartment. Her cat, Mr. Waffles, padded along after her and leapt up to the sill. Outside, snow was falling.
It was a gentler, prettier snow than they’d had back in Buffalo, New York. Less blizzardy. More snow-globe-ish.
In the distance, Eloise could make out the gold dome of the famous library. She couldn’t wait to get her new library card and bring home a stack of books.
Eloise Dobyns loved reading. Maybe because she’d been named after a character in a book. Her best friends lived inside the stories she read. (Actually, after five moves in five years, book characters might’ve been her
only friends.)
It was December 13th. Less than two weeks until everybody would be wishing each other a merry Christmas, as if such a thing would be possible this year. The Dobyns family’s holiday decorations? They were somewhere inside the moving boxes stacked all around her. Eloise’s Christmas spirit? It was long gone. Lost somewhere between Buffalo and Ohio.
“Guess I might as well try to read my free holiday book,” Eloise said with a sigh.
Mr. Waffles sashayed away to find his litter box.
Meg, the owner of Eloise’s favorite bookshop in Buffalo, had given the brand-new book to Eloise when Eloise dropped in to say goodbye.
“I haven’t read it,” Meg admitted, “but the cover sure looks, well, interesting.”
Eloise thought the cover looked, well, odd. Aliens in space suits laser-blasted Santa’s snarling reindeer while elves with glowing eyeballs chucked snowballs.
“Besides,” Meg had continued, “you just never know what book, story, or song you might need to make your holiday bright! Maybe, this year,
Merry Martian Mayhem and Mistletoe by Roger Scobeenzee will be that book for you!”
“Sko-bean-zee?”
“I think that’s how you pronounce it.”
Now, all alone in Ohio, Eloise once again studied the grisly cover of the book.
Don’t judge a book by its cover, Eloise reminded herself.
She took a deep breath and opened it.
MERRY MARTIAN MAYHEM AND MISTLETOEby Roger ScobeenzeeChapter the FirstIt was Christmas Eve, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for a little green mouse. No, wait, it wasn’t a mouse at all! It was a tiny Martian named Marty, who had crash-landed his spaceship in the middle of a street lined with humongous homes. He’d snuck into one through a bathroom window that had been left open for reasons best not elaborated upon here.
Suddenly, Marty heard a noise. He peeked through that same window and saw a pack of reindeer, foaming at the mouth and charging toward the house. The reindeer were angry because Santa had forgotten to give them their rabies shots.
Marty grabbed a candy cane from a nearby Christmas tree. Then he ran outside. He did a lot of running when he wasn’t hiding in the bathroom. He bravely faced the rabid reindeer, swinging the candy cane like a sword. But the reindeer were too strong. They knocked miniature Martian Marty to the ground and nearly trampled him.
Suddenly, a group of angry elves appeared out of nowhere. They were on strike because Santa had stopped giving them any of the cookies he collected every Christmas Eve. Why were the elves so far from the North Pole? Nobody knows and nobody cares. They were just there, okay?
The elves pelted the reindeer with snowballs and pine cones and frozen clumps of dog poop.
Meanwhile, somewhere up above, in the big vastness of space, a flying saucer was hurtling toward Earth. Inside was a whole army of angry Martians. None of them as teeny-tiny or itty-bitty as Marty.
These Martians knew exactly what they wanted for Christmas this year.
Not peace on Earth. No, sir.
They wanted a piece of Earth! A big chunk. Maybe Australia. Or Antarctica. Yes! Antarctica had penguins. And ice. Enough to cool all their beverages on the long ride home to Mars.
CHAPTER TWO
Eloise closed the book before she reached the end of the first chapter.
“Okay,” she told Mr. Waffles. “That’s certainly . . .
something. We’ll get back to it later.”
Eloise needed to start thinking about tomorrow, her first day of school in this terrifying new world. Her mother said the bus would pick Eloise up at 7:32 a.m. and haul her off to Alexandriaville Middle School.
Eloise just hoped there wouldn’t be any rabid reindeer or demented elves in the parking lot.
But it
was middle school.
So, yeah—anything was possible.
Copyright © 2026 by Chris Grabenstein. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
