Fever Dream

They’re like worms.

What kind of worms?

Like worms, all over.

It’s the boy who’s talking, murmuring into my ear.

I am the one asking questions.

Worms in the body?

Yes, in the body.

Earthworms?

No, another kind of worms.

It’s dark and I can’t see. The sheets are rough, they bunch up under my body. I can’t move, but I’m talking.

It’s the worms. You have to be patient and wait. And while we wait, we have to find the exact moment when the worms come into being.

Why?

Because it’s important, it’s very important for us all.

I try to nod, but my body doesn’t respond.

What else is happening in the yard outside the house? Am I in the yard?

No, you’re not, but Carla, your mother, is. I met her a few days ago, when we first got to the vacation house.

What is Carla doing?

She finishes her coffee and leaves the mug in the grass, next to her lounge chair.

What else?

She gets up and walks away. She’s forgetting her sandals, which are a few feet away on the pool steps, but I don’t say anything.

Why not?

Because I want to wait and see what she does.

And what does she do?

She slings her purse over her shoulder and walks toward the car in her gold bikini. There’s something like mutual fascination between us, and also at times, brief moments of repulsion; I can feel them in very specific situations. Are you sure these kinds of comments are necessary? Do we have time for this?

Your observations are very important. Why are you in the yard?

Because we’ve just gotten back from the lake, and your mother doesn’t want to come into my house.

She wants to save you any trouble.

What kind of trouble? I have to go inside anyway, first for some iced tea with lemon, then for the sunscreen. That doesn’t seem like she’s saving me any trouble.

Why did you go to the lake?

She wanted me to teach her how to drive, she said she’d always wanted to learn. But once we were at the lake, neither of us had the patience for it.

What is she doing now, in the yard?

She opens the door of my car, gets into the driver’sseat, and digs around in her purse for a while. I swing my legs down off the lounge chair and wait. It’s so hot. Then Carla gets tired of rummaging around, and she grips the steering wheel with both hands. She stays like that for a moment, looking toward the gate, or maybe toward her own house, far beyond the gate.

What else? Why are you quiet?

It’s just, I’m stuck. I can see the story perfectly, but sometimes it’s hard to move forward. Is it becauseof the nurses’ injections?

No.

But I’m going to die in a few hours. That’s going tohappen, isn’t it? It’s strange how calm I am. Because even though you haven’t told me, I know. And still, it’s an impossible thing to tell yourself.

None of this is important. We’re wasting time.

But it’s true, right? That I’m going to die.

What else is happening in the yard?